Don’t Worry, I’m Biblically Based

Humor, Religion 7 June 2006 | 0 Comments

Originally written June 7, 2006.

Hi all,

It seems lately that often when I talk to fellow Christians and mention that I have some viewpoints that are controversial to traditional, conservative Christian beliefs, they say “That’s fine as long as they are Biblically based”. So, to all my friends who have given this advice, I offer this proof of my Biblical basis…

Last Sunday at church I was quite active helping people out. It started when I handed out head coverings to all the women in the church and lovingly chided one young man for letting his hair grow past his collar which was quite out of control. (1Cor 11: Every man praying or prophesying with his head covered dishonors his Head. But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled dishonors her head; for that is even the same as if she were shaved. For if the woman is not veiled, let her also be shorn. But if it is a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be veiled. For a man indeed ought not to have his head covered, because he is the image and glory of God. But the woman is the glory of the man. Judge among yourselves: is it right that a woman pray to God unveiled? Does not even nature itself teach you that if man has long hair, it is a shame to him?)

Then, during the service a nice lady stood up to offer a testimony during our sharing time – I quickly stood up and kindly ensured that she didn’t actually talk out loud in the service. That would have been terrible! (1Cor 14:34,35 Let your women be silent in the churches; for it is not permitted to them to speak, but to be in subjection, as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home; for it is a shame for a woman to speak in a church.)

After the service, I was happy to be able to give council to another poor women to stay with her husband even though he had beaten her so badly the previous week that she ended up in the hospital again. We pray often that her children will learn how to deal with such a violent and abusive home. (Mat 5:31,32 It was also said, Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a bill of divorce. But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.)

I then overheard a young teenager jokingly call his friend a “fool”! I’m sorry to type such strong language here but I need to make a point about this terrible language of this younger generation. I kindly rebuked him. (Mat 5:22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be liable to the judgment. And whoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be liable to the sanhedrin; but whoever shall say, Fool! shall be liable to be thrown into the fire of hell.)

And please forgive me if I’ve missed some spelling or made grammatical errors today as I’m still getting used to seeing with one eye as I plucked the other out recently. You see, as I passed the beach I noticed a young lady in a bikini and well…(Mat 18:9 And if your eye offends you, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire.)

*********************************************

OK, that’s enough of my story. I’m hoping my point is clear enough without having to spell it out. Please notice that I used all New Testament references and that if I used Old Testament passages I could write for hours. Of course, many Old Testament laws were changed in the New Testament but which ones exactly? And many of the New Testament rules (like some I have written above) are no longer practiced because the times have changed – but again, which ones exactly?

Leave a Reply