Dear Jesus, thank you for boobies…
I was raised to attend church on a regular basis, and I think for the large part this was a positive experience. Sure there were problems but in any cultish/brainwashing/self motivated system created by humans this is going to be true.
Now I have kids and the great experiment is on, this time for real. How should I raise my kids with respect to church attendance? Let’s be clear, I do believe in God, I think there is overwhelming evidence for this, more than almost anything else in this gigantic closed system we call the universe.
Having said that, I also believe each of us, including or kids, wives, etc should be able to come to that conclusion on their own accord. Present the evidence and if the argument is sound, then the logical conclusion regarding God, spirituality, etc should be reached. Too often it seems that religious leaders are terrified to take this approach and instead invoke feelings of fear, or better yet “Satanic conspiracies” to control their parishioners; I can only assume this is because they either think this evidence does not exist, or they are too lazy to investigate it and present it in a manner that is traditionally acceptable.
How does church help or harm with this? Well for starters it offers a place to here what other people think about a similar subject, far too often this is where it ends as there is little or no actual discussion about the matter in a church. Somewhere along the line it became acceptable to turn off your brain when you enter a place of worship, I do not subscribe to this belief. More to the point, I think it would piss God off to know that he had a bunch of zombies going through the motions week after week and thinking that they were somehow learning more about Him and His purposes for us on this very special hunk of rock. I have to believe (just in my gut) that God is happier with the individual who questions EVERYTHING, especially regarding religious matters, and does not stretch things too far just because of traditional beliefs.
So back to the kiddies. So I have found that learning and investigation does not happen at church, score one for sleeping in on Sunday mornings, however it would be nice to have some more friends and get some free food, score one for getting up early and fighting with the kids to brush their hair on Sunday mornings…
There is an alternative that I think is a better option: Home churches. This removes all the “church” crap from church (think religion) and replaces it with a back to basics, lets talk about this stuff and see what really makes sense, as I am pretty sure God is not out to trick us or to believe something that all evidence points to as preposterous, like a 24 hour creation – sorry folks, the universe is old, and the earth is old as well, this is not even up for debate ever since the wheel was discovered.
At this point, we could open up with prayer like “Dear Jesus, thank you SO MUCH for boobies…”, seriously why not? I am thankful for the female form, God clearly gave me these feelings, and just ask my wife, I appreciate it at every opportunity. The list goes on. Quantum physics, biology, chemistry, evolution, even some mathematics (Godel in particular) should all not only be discussed in the context of a church setting, but be presented as highly important topics in the greater search for God and what he has given us in this great place we call the universe.
This is obviously a VERY brief discussion on this topic, and in fact I am strongly considering this as a topic for a book I may write in the future, until then, say a silent prayer right now and thank God for the appendage you are most thankful for…
“thank God for the appendage you are most thankful for…”
The above quote from the last words of : “Dear Jesus , Thankyou for boobies”.
I live in Ontario. My parents were strong United Church members. Eight days after my birth , I was held down by a legally authorized Ontario doctor and stripped of my foreskin . No pain killer , no explanation , no nothin except a lifetime of extreme night mares every time I ever fell asleep on my back and the inability to ever get that life preserving sensation during the ultimate act which every human male needs . I appreciate this site , yet this section under humour slaps me with a lead pipe . The record above is lively and humourous as it should be in the humour section but the record deals with a force anything but. The force is the power of God. I believe there is a God also , and I have spent my entire lifetime wishing that there was no god . Whenever I try to tell myself that there is not one , I get into an endless loop :
My endless loop ”
1-there is no god
2-extremely nasty nightmare – we are ripping live flesh from your body .
3-my parents are perverts for doing this
4-no my parents are ok , this is god’s will.
5-fact – i have no foreskin , no feeling where i should have feeling .
6-i am circumcised
7-then there is a god
8-go back to step 1 ”
I cannot arrive at any conclusion .
So you ask : “Why did you not confront your parents ?”
First of all , I was mutilated by my father and two doctors holding me snug into an army cot. For my whole life time the best word , I ever used for him was “old MAN”. After he died I asked my mother :”Why did you not come when I screamed and begged and my lungs filled with puke from the trauma of extreme pain ? ”
She said “They just came and did it .”
I replied “All these years , I thought you hated me ” , to which she said “Joel , I do not hate you” , and to which I replied “part of me hates you”. She wanted to hug me but I refused , as I had since I was ten years old and she could not force me “.
That was the last conversation with her. She died two years later , without more conversation on the subject . After all We have severe laws affecting anyone who even mentions penis in a public place . I am sure that my mother was one of those people supporting the law that prevented me from even seeing what was done to me. Did you ever see a picture in any newspaper or tv show or magazine or public libray book of the real thing ?
Anyway , after her death , a few United Church members complained to me that she had changed her will , giving the last 35K of her estate to her kids rather than the church which had protected her for her whole life.
Sure enough us kids got a letter form an estate lawyer nine months later , called us all together and disbursed the check equally.
She tried to buy me folks , yep , she realized that I was right and she gave me a few thousand bucks for being mutilated.
Thankyou mother and thankyou god for that appendage , you are most thankfull for and which DO NOT HAVE.